


Content to be happier than she deserved

by Songs_and_fairytales



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Birthday on the thames, Episode: s06e07 A Good Man Goes to War, F/M, Feels lots of Feels, Pregnancy Fears, Time Tots | Babies (Doctor Who), happy endings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:13:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25138258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Songs_and_fairytales/pseuds/Songs_and_fairytales
Summary: Her heart filled with more emotion than she thought she could possibly contain. She'd been so afraid all those months ago. So afraid he'd reject her, so afraid he'd reject their child, so afraid he'd shuffle off into the distance and pretend nothing had changed. So she'd said nothing. She'd gone on as if nothing had changed. It helped that it was his younger self that kept finding her. It made it easier to hide the truth. That's what she always did anyway. And then her birthday came...
Relationships: Eleventh Doctor/River Song, The Doctor & River Song, The Doctor/River Song
Comments: 5
Kudos: 66





	Content to be happier than she deserved

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice
> 
> "I must learn to be content with being happier than I deserve."
> 
> So this started out as a drawing  
> Which you can see on my insta @songsnfairytales and then spiraled into some words and then just kept going cause all the feels. Anyway I hope you like it and one day I'll figure out how to post images on here so I can upload the finish piece that spawned it.

"River, she's perfect."

Her heart filled with more emotion than she thought she could possibly contain. She'd been so afraid all those months ago. So afraid he'd reject her, so afraid he'd reject their child, so afraid he'd shuffle off into the distance and pretend nothing had changed. So she'd said nothing. She'd gone on as if nothing had changed. It helped that it was his younger self that kept finding her. It made it easier to hide the truth. That's what she always did anyway.

And then her birthday came and it wasn't her baby faced sometimes lover that showed up. No, this time it was her husband, the man who knew her and loved her and who realized something was wrong. 

"River, what's going on?" 

"What do you mean?" She fluttered her eyebrows and reached for a trinket in the booth, desperate to hide her fear. 

"Please, River, just tell me. Whatever it is, I just want to make it better." This man, this ageless god running around the universe doing god knows what with god knows who, this man wanted to make it better. She couldn't help but laugh at the thought of him "making this better." But somehow he did. Through the tears and the sad and fearful laughter, her truth burst out. 

"I'm pregnant." And to her surprise the world didn't dissolve at her admission, the ice below her didn't melt and swallow her whole, he didn't run away without looking back at her. Instead he burst to life and the sun shone through the fog and thawed the ice she'd packed around her heart. The ice that numbed her fears and kept her sane began to melt. 

Somehow he made her feel loved and accepted and celebrated. He held his hands to her stomach and cried tears of joy. He knelt down on the ice, in front of strangers and pressed his lips to their unborn child and promised never to leave her, to never leave them. She cried at what felt like empty promises that she wanted so badly to believe, and at the sound of her tears he stood up to face her. He stood up and held her face between his palms, he kissed her temple and broke a rule he'd made her swear by. He told her what their future held. 

"I have to leave you at Stormcage tonight. I don't want to but I have to." He closed his eyes and pressed his forehead to hers. "This is the last time I leave you." He promised and he must have known how empty that promise felt because he kissed her so intensely and through that kiss opened up his mind. He showed her his past, his memory of Amelia and Rory and baby melody in her crib. 

She gasped as he retreated and looked searchingly into his eyes. 

"I promise I'll come back to you after and I'll not leave your side." 

"Well maybe leave for a moment or two on occasion." She giggled. "I mean I do have a job, you know." She joked through the remnants of her tears. 

"I could just enroll as your student." He smirked. 

"Oh please, you in a lecture hall, listening to me talk about archaeology." She rolled her eyes at him and walked towards the elephant gathering a crowd near the bridge. "You wouldn't last more than a day."

"Perhaps," he said as he walked beside her and leaned in to whisper conspiratorially, "but imagine how fun office hours would be." She blushed at the thought of desks and books and him pressed against her with her door unintentionally left unlocked. 

They strolled through the rest of the fair with a weight lifted off River's shoulders, a lightness in her step she'd not thought possible. They watched fire breathers and ate pasty, they danced and skated and listened to Stevie Wonder sing to them under the bridge. They retreated to the Tardis, he showed her his cot and told her he'd paint it, made promises of singing their child to sleep and telling them stories of red skies and brilliant stars, supernovas and endless forests with creatures that would sing and bring the world to peace. He'd made love to her with a gentleness she didn't know existed in the universe and she felt whole and safe and ready for a future with this man and their family. 

He dropped her off down the hall from her cell and she swayed and twirled to the music of the sirens. And then her father appeared and she wanted nothing more than to tell him her news. Tell him of his grandchild and the immense joy she felt, but her face fell knowing it was too soon. She listened to him beg for help, beg River to help rescue herself, and her face fell further knowing she couldn't be there, not yet anyway. 

She changed and waited, knowing full well what was to come.

"Where the hell have you been?!" His anger was palpable and so distant from the joy she still felt. He'd warned her that this would happen and begged her not to forget his love. 

"Oh, look, your cot, haven't seen that in a very long while." She said cheerily as she raced towards it and let the memories or his recent promises fill the forefront of her brain. She stared at it longingly and held on to it for support. 

"Who are you?" His distrust felt like daggers thrown at her heart. She held onto the cot and clung to the promises he'd made her of what their future would hold. 

"I am telling you," she grasped his hand and placed it on the cot, gentle and soothing, just like he'd been with her. "Can't you read?" 

And there was his smile and she knew her world would be whole again. He primped and fussed and looked to her for reassurance. His glee was undeniable and she couldn't help but let her joy exude from her every pore. He bopped her nose and looked awkwardly at her parents. She knew he was off in search of her and she remembered that night fondly. He told her to get everyone home and she made a mental note to remind the idiot to come back for the cot. And as she looked up to try and yell at him she saw her parents. 

She saw the fear and desperation in Amy's face and she couldn't help but be reminded of herself only yesterday. And then Amy pointed a gun at her and a new found fear lodged itself in her throat, a fear not for herself but for her child. She wondered if this was what her mother felt just then too. She couldn't help but speak to herself as much as to Amy as she attempted to comfort her mother, attempted to soothe her worry and allay her fears. 

"Hold on tight Amy, I know you're not alright but you're going to be." She spoke quickly. Determined to not lose her nerve, to not just shout out the truth. Amy was still too skittish and she was worried of startling her with a deafening silence that was no doubt to come with her truth. 

The tears flowed down her face as she guided her mother to her name. And she cried more tears knowing they still were not ready for her to share her own truth. They'd just had a child of their own and they weren't ready for a grandchild, they were barely ready for River. 

She did as told and took everyone home. She soothed her parents as best she could. She thought back to all those days in childhood when she'd cried on Amy's shoulder and ran to Rory when she'd had a bad dream. She remembered all the pain and longing for them to be closer to her always and vowed to be there for her own kid. And slowly as night turned into day inside the house with the blue door, she readied herself to head back to storm cage, to prepare for a life she was slowly starting once again to fear she'd have to live on her own. 

Her parents' grief and loss was overwhelming and she knew they'd never get young melody back. She knew they'd have a life separate from one another and she feared they'd never truly embrace her as their own. And the doctor, well the doctor had done what he did best. He sauntered off into the tardis and gone off into the Universe. Yes, she knew he was technically with her, but he also knew he wasn't here with her now, he wasn't helping soothe her parent's pain or her fear of loneliness. All those promises he'd made of being with her, of being by her side felt empty again. The entire memory of their day on the Thames and their night by the cot felt like a dream too good for reality. 

She said goodbye to her parents, kissed Amy on the forehead as she slept and tried desperately to believe Rory as he awkwardly told her "everything's going to be alright." 

She punched in the coordinates for stormcage and made a mental note of all the things she would need for this child, fully prepared to do this all on her own. Her head spun as she traveled through the vortex. She questioned if travel of this nature was still safe now that she no longer traveled alone. She appeared facing her simple cot and vowed to festoon her own child's cot with happiness and brightness and joy. 

"I was thinking yellow for the nursery." The tears burst from her eyes as she turned to see him leaning against the cell door. "With stars projected onto the sky. Or maybe a skylight so the baby can see where we are at all times." She threw her body at him and fell apart in his arms. 

"Hey hey hey," he soothed as he gently stroked her vortex frizzed hair. "It's alright, it's alright, we don't have to put in a skylight. And the nursery can be any color you like." He kissed her forehead and she laughed. She knew he was joking, somehow knew he understood her fears. "I told you I'd be here with you. And that's exactly where I'll be."

.

She kissed his temple as he stroked their baby's stomach and hummed lullabies into the silence of the room. He was here, with them, singing songs of love and caring for their family and River felt content. Content to be happier than she'd ever dared believe she deserved. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much SamiraScamander for betaing this for me. You were so fast and so encouraging thank you!


End file.
